It's Hard to be Yourself
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Everyone at one point or another growing up has been told to “be yourself,” yet it’s an inherently difficult thing to do. We humans are social creatures, and for better or worse, we’ve been biologically programmed to follow the tribe. This instinct runs deeper than most of us realize.
While disagreeing with someone’s opinion today might not put you at risk of physical harm, doing so millennia ago certainly could have. Disagree with the wrong person and you might find yourself alone, banished outside the cave to fend for yourself. Being deserted and left to survive on your own meant almost certain death in our ancestral environment. And even though the stakes aren’t nearly as high today, our brains still treat going against the grain of popular opinion very similarly to the life-threatening consequences of being ostracized from the tribe during the Stone Age.
This explains why speaking up in a meeting feels so uncomfortable, why posting a contrarian opinion online triggers anxiety, and why choosing an unconventional career path can feel terrifying. Your amygdala doesn’t distinguish between social rejection at a dinner party and exile from the hunter-gatherer band. The fear feels just as real.
Even though it can be difficult to fight against our biological programming, there are many profound benefits to truly being oneself. Because of this, finding the courage to do so is strongly advised sooner rather than later. Here’s why.
1. Tight Feedback Loops
Learning to “be yourself” helps guarantee tight feedback loops for whatever goal you’re pursuing. Without doing so, some percentage of your opinion is inherently swayed by a myriad of different factors: your upbringing, your peers, societal expectations, media influence, and countless other external forces.
Navigating important decisions under this subtle influence is like sailing in the ocean with an undetectable, consistent wind. It’s a force that subliminally influences the direction and speed of your vessel and, if you’re really not careful, it can push you to a landmass you have no interest in reaching. You might wake up one day at a destination you never consciously chose, wondering how you got there.
Shedding this influence ensures you can sail more purposefully. Now truly intent on moving in a particular direction, you can do so tactfully and deliberately. You make a choice, observe the results directly, and adjust accordingly. There’s clarity in the cause-and-effect relationship because you’re not second-guessing whether the outcome was what you wanted or what you thought others wanted for you.
This lack of “contamination” in your decision-making significantly reduces the time it takes to complete a cycle of exploration, learning, and incorporating your new insights into future iterations. When you fail, you learn something real about yourself and the world. When you succeed, you know it’s authentic success, not someone else’s definition of achievement.
2. Boosted Creativity
Another major benefit of learning to be yourself is the dramatic increase in your creative capacity. Part of this stems from the fact that without allowing others to dictate your decisions, you give yourself the freedom to pursue whatever genuinely interests you. This results in not needing to “try” to be creative, instead, creativity simply flows naturally when you’re engaged with what authentically captivates you.
Instead of ideating within the narrow constraints of what’s acceptable, trending, or likely to receive approval, you can explore the full landscape of possibilities. The most innovative ideas often come from people who weren’t asking “what will others think?”.
Consider how many breakthrough ideas initially seemed foolish or impractical to the majority. From impressionist painting to personal computers to streaming entertainment, pioneers didn’t follow the consensus, they followed their own vision.
Moreover, your unique combination of experiences, interests, and perspectives is unlike anyone else’s. When you lean into that authenticity rather than trying to fit a mold, you bring something to the table that literally no one else can.
3. Greater Happiness
A final benefit to being yourself is that you can find substantially greater joy and fulfillment. This point is elegantly simple: it is exponentially easier to make one person happy (yourself) than it is to make everyone else happy.
The math alone should be convincing. Trying to please everyone means you’re attempting to satisfy dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of different people, each with their own contradictory preferences, values, and expectations. It’s a fool’s errand. What delights one person will inevitably disappoint another.
But when you focus on being true to yourself, you only need to answer to one person whose preferences you actually know intimately. You understand what brings you energy versus what drains you. You know which accomplishments feel meaningful versus which feel hollow. You can recognize the difference between temporary pleasure and deep satisfaction.
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